The culprit

I am feeling really down today.

I received some bad news on Tuesday and as it turned out, my eye problem is only a taste of a bigger health issue. I had hints and clues of this problem for many years now but I kept dismissing it as a common back pain. Now it has a name.

Ankylosing Spondylitis.

And what an ugly name!

When I was a child, I remember my mom having these back and hip pains from time to time. She never had it checked, so eventhough I'm pretty sure I got it from her, I am not sure of anything else. She is fine and mobile up to this day. She never had the Iritis. Does that mean mine is worse?

Now, my dilemma is whether or not to go on these treatments that the doctor is proposing -- Enbrel or Remicade.

I have no idea. The side effects sound worse than the disease.

And how about having a baby? How is this going to affect that?

I feel sorry for my husband. We are only married two years and just getting started on a family. And here I go with my health issues.

Too many risks to consider. My head hurts.

I'm afraid.